Week 1 - De-Escalating Panic Attacks

I asked to be thrown into the deep end and they did not disappoint. 

Thomas has made his expectations clear, and I appreciate that. While a list of goals and markers is daunting, I can also measure against it -- tracking progression to dates and deliverables. My mind works best that way. Too many instances have my managers' expectations have been soft at best, and indecipherable at worst.

By Thursday, I woke up and didn't want to panic. I felt like this was a good sign. My mindset had shifted to "What the hell have I done to myself?" into "How are we going to get all of this done?" Another good sign in my opinion.

I've never walked into a role and felt so immediately supported. There are a lot of factors to this -- professional experience, personal relationships, the show drag of time and eventual maturity that comes with working with others for so long. But it's a wonderful feeling. I don't have people looking over my shoulder and pressuring me to perform. It's just expected, and all of the expectations can come from me. 

It's scary and invigorating, and I'm continually vacillating between between having and not-having a panic attack. But they're becoming less frequent, however this is only the first round. More will come. But I'm ready.